Ricco The Mean Machine (1973)

Ricco The Mean Machine is a weird title for this picture when you consider that the title character isn't really mean at all. I mean, here's a guy that goes away to prison for two years while the local mafia kingpin kills his father and steals his girlfriend. When Ricco finally gets out, he's got this laid back surfer dude type attitude about the whole thing. Upon first seeing his sister and her husband, they roll around on the ground laughing. His mom tries to hand him his father's gun in the hopes that he'll kill Don Vito (the aforementioned mafia kingpin)and avenge his father, but Ricco replies that he'll handle it his own way. His "way" could be cooler.

Starring as Ricco, we got the son of Robert Mitchum. Aside from his surfer hair cut, he looks just like his father. That's where the comparisons end. He's terrible in this thing, alternating between dazed looks and stilted laughter. His character hooks up with Barbara Bouchet, who plays a slutty counterfeitter and also the cousin of his stolen girlfriend. She looks great naked and seems like she'd be a lot of fun to hang out with.

My favorite character was probably Don Vito played by Arthur Kennedy, who looked familiar. This is a mobster who has built his empire on soap. Soap, which he exports across the world. Also, if you cross him you might get the shit kicked out of you by his henchman and dropped in a large vat of the stuff. If you get caught sleeping with his girl you might find your dick being cut off with a switchblade and shoved into your screaming mouth as you're dropped in the stuff. This actually happens and it's shockingly realistic. It's no surprise then that Don Vito can't stand his own product. At the very least, don't wash your face with it.

Anyway, this is a pretty good exploitation movie. We got a main character who sorta accomplishes shit by accident. I enjoyed the interview where Robert Mitchum's son talked about how he's a blackbelt in kenpo karate. You can't tell by watching this picture. The fight scenes are laughably bad. I counted three moments where Ricco would have been killed if not for the intervention of someone else. He also doesn't really think things through too well. He breaks into Don Vito's fortress to talk to his ex-girlfriend but didn't come up with an escape plan. Once again, he's saved by the smarts of someone else (in this case, Bouchet). So, he's not your typical badass I guess. Even after Vito has the rest of his family murdered (spoiler) all Ricco can think to do is sit out side Vito's front gate with a pistol ready to fire. I'm not sure if things are going to end well for Ricco.

So, it's enjoyable and you see a guy's penis snipped off and shoved into his mouth (balls first). If that's the kind of picture you want to see then look no further.

The Killer Snakes (1975)

The warning label for The Killer Snakes states that it "contains extremely sick and disturbing scenes" and also that this is "not meant for most people". Boy, they weren't kidding. The Killer Snakes is one of the most exploitative pictures I've ever seen this side of XXX - the rating, not the picture (or The Sinful Dwarf). The picture opens with an abrupt black and white scene involving a young boy playing with snakes as his mother is smacked around for sexual gratification in the next room. Yet another boy with mother issues growing up to be weirdly perverted. It's that kind of picture. And more!

Shaw Brothers was like the Warner Brothers of China. They've got that classy logo (located on the window on the door of Shaw Studio offices). So, it's weird to see a picture of this ilk coming from them. We know about their kung fu stuff (Five Deadly Venoms, The One Armed Swordsman, etc). They also delved into dramas and comedies. Not many people are aware of their horror output and that includes me. I watched this thing with my jaw on the floor.

I don't know though. I liked it. We've got a lead character named Zihong who can't keep a job, can't get a girl, and is being constantly bullied. He lives in a basement apartment with holes in the walls and crumbling bricks. He's got his eyes on a pretty girl (Xiujung) who feels sympathy for him, but that's about it. Strangely enough, we actually feel sympathy for the guy even after he does some of the things he later does. This guy basically needs some friends. Well, all it takes is one injured snake slithering through a hole in his wall. The thing had its gall bladder removed (which have "overrated" healing powers, according to Zihong) so he takes it in, sews it up, and gives it love. The snake then tells it's friends and suddenly hundreds of snakes are living in his shit hole of an apartment, having a great time, doing his bidding, etc. "I've got so many friends", Zihong now exclaims.

This picture is like China's answer to Taxi Driver only instead of driving around in a cab this guy bosses around some snakes. Also, it was made two years earlier so I guess that makes Taxi Driver our answer to The Killer Snakes. At first, Zihong just uses the snakes for innocent stuff. You know, pranks and shit...like, when he puts a cobra in his pants and visits the prostitute that helped get him fired from his last job as a delivery boy. First he fucks her, then he has the snake kill her friends. Then he brings her back to his dungeon where he ties her up, strips off her clothes, and has his little scaly friend violate her to death. Yup, that's pretty much as innocent as it gets. You can imagine some of the other shit without me having to describe it, I hope.

The Killer Snakes is a sleazy journey into the underbelly of deviant human behavior. It left me feeling a little filthy to be honest. Especially the part with the gilla monsters. I signed on for killer snakes, but not that shit. This probably isn't movie night appropriate unless your guests are as fucked up as you are. The lead (some Chinese guy) is exceptional as Zihong. His love interest (Chinese gal) is adorable. Eventually, she falls into some danger and has to be saved...or, maybe avenged. Basically, the end is just a tragic free for all of snakes; we got cobras, pythons, bulls, boas. And, I'm sure there were some milk snakes thrown in there. Maybe an anaconda or two. Vipers maybe. I'm making this shit up as I go along. I know shit about snakes. I did find it interesting how they seemed to communicate with Zihong through a low hiss. These snakes are good actors.

Oh, and did I mention the nudity? We got tons of nudity. None of it very titilating. Mostly it's just the tied up and gagged while snakes bite their breasts and faces type of nudity. I didn't notice if there was a line at the end of the credits claiming that "no snakes were harmed during the making of this movie". I don't think there was which makes me wonder about the scene where the guy with the sword was chopping up snakes as they jumped at him. Oh yeah, these snakes jump. Well, I can't think of anything else to add for this one. I'm gonna go take a shower.

Red Sun (1972)

I guess the best thing I can say about this picture is it was serviceable. Serviceable doesn't really cut it, however, when your picture stars Charles Bronson and Toshiro Mifune. It also stars Alain Delon who I probably should know, but, after looking over his imdb page it turns out I don't. Ursula Andress is also in this thing and pretty attractive. She gets naked in this picture so I'm gonna change her name to Ursula Undress. See what I did there? Clever.

Anyway, it's been a couple weeks since I saw this one. If I'm gonna keep reviewing a movie a day during the week then I gotta pick something so this one wins out. I remember enjoying it. It takes place sometime in the late nineteenth century. A Japanese ambassador travels to the United States with a couple samurai guards accompanying him. This being the nineteenth century we can assume (and then have confirmed by watching the movie) that he takes a boat across the Pacific to California and then hops on a train to take him to Washington, D.C. Once there, he'll present the President (I don't know...Arthur or Garfield or something) with a ceremonial sword on behalf of the emperor. Oh yeah, and one of the Samurai's with him is Yojimobo, in the flesh.

Well, no one told these guys about the wild west 'cause as soon as they board the train a bunch of rough and tumble outlaws come on board with guns. Since guns are better than swords they steal the sword (maybe diamonds too, but I can't remember). One of Yojimbo's buddies doesn't like the idea of being disgraced so he goes after one of the bandits and gets shot dead (off screen). Oh, and two of the bandits are played by Delon and Bronson only Delon betrays Bronson and makes off with the sword (and maybe diamonds). This leaves Bronson to, reluctantly, team up with Yojimbo and pursue Delon. They have a time limit (couple weeks) after which Yojimbo will be forced to kill himself (seppuku). Plenty of time for some Rush Hour like hilarity. Oh, and Andress fits in here somewhere as Delon's lover who is also willing to whore herself out to Bronson as long as it benefits her somehow.

My favorite parts are the ones with Bronson and Mifune walking through the desert, in pursuit of Delon. Bronson creates such a likable character (sorry, forgot his name) that even though he'd kill Mifune if the opportunity came up we still root for him (not to kill Mifune, but to at least stay alive). He spends the first thirty minutes or so trying to get away. Mifune is pretty persistent. And, so is Bronson. Bronson keeps coming at Mifune who keeps beating him down. Bronson pushes Mifune off a mountain but he makes it back before Bronson's gone ten feet. Neither gives up. That's why we like them. Later, of course, they come to respect each other and ultimately become friends.

Unfortunately, while this picture has two guys that worked with Sergio Leone and Akira Kurosawa, it doesn't have anyone on the other side of the camera with Leone's or Kurosawa's sense of style. Which is why I labeled this thing "serviceable" earlier. The director worked on a couple of early James Bond pictures and then some other shit I never heard of. He's good, but not exactly an artist. Not too many beautiful wide shots and lots of poorly staged fights. Yojimbo fights an Indian at one point, one on one, so maybe the director is comparing the plight of the Indians to the plight of the Samurai. Sorry, Native Americans?

Anyway, it's a good one but if you want to see a movie with a similar theme and a better story I'd suggest Hell in the Pacific where Mifune plays a Japanese soldier during World War II marooned on an island with Lee Marvin. Mifune doesn't speak a word of English and the filmmakers don't bother translating, yet it's still a terrific performance. He's better there than here is what I'm getting at. So, I recommend this one as long as you lower your expectations.

McCabe and Mrs. Miller (1971)

Poor kid. I'm referring to Keith Carradine's nameless cowboy who drifts into the town of Presbyterian Church looking to lose his virginity and leaves (spoiler) as a corpse half submerged in an icy river. The picture's not really about him. He has maybe five minutes of actual screen time and, yet, from the moment he steps into the whorehouse until he is shot dead he brought an injection of life the picture was in need of. His cowboy is just a kid. A gullible (some might say dumb), innocent kid with a wide and goofy smile. He carries a gun, but, as he tells his eventual killer, "I couldn't hit nothin' with it". His death is more heartbreaking, and meaningful, than any in the picture. Finally, here, amidst all this dreariness, is a character we like. Everyone likes the kid. Even the whores he paid. When he attempts to leave town and buy some supplies he must cross a bridge to get to the store. On the other side, awaits a bored (previously seen shooting at a can in the river) gunman, also a kid, younger than Carradine. Any other Western would have presented Carradine's "aw-shucks" demeanor as just an act. Not this one. Nope, in Robert Altman's McCabe and Mrs. Miller there are no heroes.

So, I got mixed feelings about this one. I'll be honest here. The only Altman I've seen are Popeye and Mash and I saw those when I was a kid. This picture opens with a gambler (that would be McCabe played by a nearly unrecognizable Warren Beatty) riding into town, winning some money, and then opening a whorehouse which is later managed by Julie Christie. Later, some men come into town looking to buy the whorehouse. McCabe refuses. Men react by hiring some gunmen to kill him (including the kid that killed Carradine). This being an Altman movie (I hear this is his style and have to concur after watching this), everything is naturalistic, we got long moments of muted conversation or even silences. The set design is wonderfully filthy (and therefore seems authentic) and we've got non period songs by the likes of Leonard Cohen. Lots of improvising on this picture I'm sure and, to be honest, some genuine boredom on the part of this viewer. Yeah, I'm calling myself out. I didn't appreciate this "masterpiece" quite as much as I'd hoped.

What Altman has done is present us a snow bound "wild west" type town completely devoid of heroism. Beatty is very good as McCabe but he's not exactly someone that lives by a code, unless it's the code of "do whatever it takes to stay alive". The picture doesn't round into form until the moment Carradine's cowboy is killed and then we have long scenes of McCabe awkwardly running from building to building desperately trying to escape being shot. He shoots the first gunmen he sees directly in the back so we know this guy is no Eastwood or John Wayne. He shoots the next guy he sees through a window and also in the back. McCabe is a coward but I guess Altman is saying that most of us would pull the same shit, and I can't disagree. Nobility has left Presbyterian Church. Hell, even the town minister threatens to shoot McCabe if he doesn't leave the "sanctuary" of his church. Guess he doesn't practice the parts of the bible about not turning your back on a fellow man. I haven't read it, but I'm sure there are parts like that in there.

Then the church burns as Julie Christie sits in an opium den. Wouldn't be surprised if Altman and his cast and crew partook (basing this statement on reputation...since I wasn't there). Anyway, this is a strange picture. I guess that ultimately I liked it. The beginning meanders too much for my tastes. Too much drifting in and out of conversations, too little focus. It's weird 'cause I'm a huge fan of Terrence Malick, who has a similar style often to the Nth degree, but I just had trouble getting into this one. However, the end establishes itself as a mini-masterpiece where McCabe struggles to survive amongst some drifting snow and Christie (oh yeah, she was Mrs Miller) continues to get high on Opium. Also, there was lots of nudity. So, I guess between the so-so beginning and the masterful ending let's just split the difference and call this one good.

Sorcerer (1977)

William Friedkin's Sorcerer, a remake of Clouzot's Wages of Fear, is unabashedly a man's movie; made for men and about men doing manly things. A picture packed full of violence, explosions, endless fires, truck driving, dynamite, sweat, dirt, etc. Women need not apply. The only woman that makes an appearance in this thing is a bride at a wedding...and she's got a black eye. So, take that for what it's worth. This is not really a good date movie. It is, however, every bit the masterpiece Wages of Fear is. I'd wager it's even a bit better.

The picture spends it's first hour character building. We're introduced to four criminals, notably Scanlan (Roy Scheider) and Victor (Bruno Cremer). As the movie begins, they're spread throughout the world engaged in a variety of nefarious activities; bombing buildings, stealing from high stakes bingo games, gun fights, car chases, etc. Eventually, unaware of each others existence, they converge in a small Venezuelan town, a town controlled by a major oil conglomerate. When an oil well erupts in flames 200 hundred miles away, it's determined that the only way to put out the fire is to dynamite it. Trouble is, the only dynamite within thousands of miles is in the town (200 miles away). Even more troubling, the dynamite is sweating nitroglycerin. One little nudge could set it off. As one character points out, "We can barely move this shit 10 feet and you want us to move it two hundred miles!?" When money is burning, what choice does one have?

A plan is established. Load the boxes of volatile dynamite onto two trucks and drive to the oil site. Who would be stupid enough to undertake such a task? If only we knew of some criminals who, with the law closing in, might want a way out of town. Also, twenty thousand dollars each. At the risk of life and limb. They load the boxes in the trucks and pack them in sand to keep them from shifting. Scanlan takes one truck, Bruno the other. Each with a co-pilot to guide them through the excessively rough terrain, of which there is plenty.

Shit man, this is as tense a picture as I've seen (and I've seen Wages of Fear). Along the way, these guys encounter vicious storms, blissfully unaware natives, hijackers, treacherous bridges (including a scene on a rope suspension bridge that had me completely on edge, knuckles whitening - the thing didn't look like it could hold me, let alone a 2 ton truck) pot holes, mountains, roads encroached upon by a seemingly unending rainforest, etc. Friedkin periodically treats us to shots of the dynamite, as they shift in the sand or collect rainwater from the storms. He's at the top of his game.

Friedkin has given us some of the greatest car chases in motion pictures (The French Connection, To Live and Die in L.A.) What he does here is just as amazing, if a little different. He presents us with two trucks, often moving at a snails pace, and yet it's as intense and exciting as anything he's ever filmed. We still get the traditional vehicle's eye view, but the stakes have never been this high.

Scheider and Cremer are in excellent form as the two drivers, both saying more with their faces than they ever could with words. Pay particularly close attention to a scene near the end where the camera hold's Scheider's face for an extended moment; sweat and grime covered, unshaven, crooked frown. Yet his eyes say all we need to know.

How the fuck did this movie fail? It nearly derailed Friedkin's career. A box office and critical flop. Today it's something else...and more than deserving of the proper treatment. Get this fucking thing on Criterion now (and no, not as a supplement to Wages of Fear). The current DVD treatment is piss poor, not even widescreen. The images are beautiful, the action extraordinary. At times, I felt like I was watching a Herzog film with Scheider as Aguirre. This one's not to be missed. Like Wages of Fear, Sorcerer ends in irony...only, none of that hoity-toity French kind. Nope, it's a good, old fashioned, American brand of irony.

p.s. I'm trying to review a movie every weekday. this one counts as friday.

The Roost (2005)

I was pretty hard on Ti West's House of the Devil a while back. Said I liked the look of the film enough to maybe give the guy another chance. Man, I'm glad I did because The Roost is pretty fucking great. Like House, The Roost is heavy on atmospherics. Unlike House, however, most of the characters were likable, and the story actually seemed like it was heading somewhere. Basically, I gave a fuck.

In the picture's only misfire, the story is structured around a late night horror program starring Tom Noonan (House of the Devil, Manhunter) as some sort of crypt keeper. Noonan introduces the tale with a complete lack of relish (which is something Noonan probably couldn't muster anyway). He periodically interrupts the tale to methodically babble on about some shit before returning us to what we actually give a shit about. I liked the idea of this much more than the execution. The best I can say about the horror show stuff is it's in black and white. This shit might work better if this were an anthology film. My one nitpick aside, let's move on.

The real movie concerns four friends driving through the middle of nowhere (of course) to attend a wedding. It's nighttime. It's Halloween. They're already late. I loved the lighting of these scenes, shot entirely in the little car, lit in a reddish hue, the two characters in the front seat arguing over being lost while a horror program softly warbles from the radio.

Cut to an old couple, living on a farm, jumping into their truck to head out for a night on the town (or maybe the old country buffet. Whatever, doesn't really matter). The old man forgets to lock the barn, heads on down (the distance from the barn to the house seems unnaturally far) and disappears. After a while, the wife follows. Back to the four friends who, after crossing a creepy bridge, drive into a ditch. Hmmm, we just saw an old farmhouse back down the road. Maybe we can call a tow truck there? Let's just ignore the creepy barn in the background. And, why the fuck don't we get cell phone service out here? Is that a bat I just saw?

So, it's a classic set up to a horror movie. The Roost takes it's time. At only 80 minutes it almost takes too much time. The kids go to the house. They separate. A cop shows up, but he's not as much help as they'd like. And, then there's the barn. What's in the barn? West shows a deft hand at creating a highly stylized world (as he did in House of the Devil). His shots are framed just right. His use of colors is masterful (I'm thinking he's studied his Bava). It almost doesn't matter what's in the barn. Almost. Thankfully, we find out.

While not on the level of Evil Dead, The Roost is probably only a notch or two below. I don't want to spoil anything but let's just say we see the old couple again and they're still hungry. I'm guessing they didn't make it to the buffet. Also, there are bats. Big ones with sharp teeth. The special effects are not the film's strong suit, but luckily West knows when not to go into overkill. He uses them subtly. This thing's more about the characters and slowly building dread anyway. Pay attention and you'll catch the Larry Fessenden (Session 9) cameo. As disappointed as I was with House of the Devil, I didn't expect much from this thing. I'm usually not this thrilled when I'm wrong.

Spider Baby (1968)

Spider Baby (or, The Maddest Story Every Told) is an oddity. A cult film if there ever was one, complete with a bizarre opening title song, performed by Lon "wolfman" Chaney Jr., star of the film. The picture concerns the Merrye family; which, as the story begins, consists of a trio of inbred "children" (they look to be in their 20s) and their butler, Bruno (Chaney jr). The children are Virginia (who thinks of herself as a spider), Elizabeth (I guess the ringleader), and Ralph (sexually repressed). Together, they live in the old family house, isolated from general society, with Bruno, who takes care of them as an oath to their long dead father (who, by coincidence, still rests in an upstairs bedroom). Unfortunately, the children suffer from a rare disease, a disease so rare that they're the first to have it, dubbed "Merrye syndrome", described as a "progressive regression" of the brain which culminates in deformity (check out the people under the stairs).

Into this mess, arrives a money grubbing aunt looking to cash in on the family fortune, a hitler moustached lawyer and his secretary, and a sincere uncle looking to do what's best for the children, maybe get drunk, and hopefully score with the secretary. This isn't going to end well for anyone.

I tried watching this thing drunk a while back and let me tell you, it plays much better sober. There's too much going on to even think about following any of this loopy shit inebriated. When we're first introduced to Virginia, she's shown catching a mailman in her "web" and slicing off his ear with her "stingers". The picture has a strange sense about it. It's not scary, not overly funny (although it will induce chuckles...maybe a smirk or two), not gory, etc. It is deranged. Clearly having borrowed a thing or two from Psycho (the house, the skeletal parent in the bedroom), Spider Baby can also, most surely, be considered an influence on another classic horror picture, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. We got a family of cannibalistic inbreds living in the middle of nowhere. We got a classic dinner scene (The dinner scene in Spider Baby provides the funniest moment of the film; it involves salad). And, we got a family living within their own sense of normalcy. Which, is to say completely fucking abnormal.

Anyway, it's an interesting picture. Look for Sid Haig (looking Michael Berryman-esque) as Ralph, who is constantly showing up hiding in the dumbwaiter when he isn't sniffing panties or peeping in windows. It's a great, and silent, portrayal. We actually kind of feel for the guy. Lon Chaney jr is great, and likely drunk, as the loyal butler. Quinn Redeker is blissfully brilliant as Uncle Peter who, even as he's being tied in Virginia's "web" and about to be subjected to her "stingers", is perfectly sure there's a logical explanation for all of this. Redecker also has a great scene where he and the lawyer's secretary drive around town, after a night of binge drinking, looking for a hotel (all have "no vacancies" signs), only to, of course, end up back at the Merrye house for what promises to be a rousing climax.

Spider Baby isn't for everyone. It is, after all, a cult film. If you have an open mind, enjoy some macabre shit that doesn't take itself too seriously, might even laugh at itself, by all means, give this one a shot. Usually, I don't go for the camp shit, but this one felt like it was played straight enough. Not too much winking at the camera, something I have a low tolerance for. Well, that's all I got at the moment. Thanks.