Tuesday, August 7, 2007
In Defense of Uwe Boll
Uwe Boll is probably the most despised filmmaker working today. Alone in the Dark registered an unprecendented 1% on the tomatoemeter and won both Mr. Boll (worst director) and Tara Reid (worst actress) a razzie award. I've had friends comment that House of the Dead is a stinking pile of excrement. Bloodrayne kind of escaped me in the theatre, but I was intrigued by the movie poster. Well, ok, I just think Kristiana Loken is hot. Still, everyone said it was worse than House of the Dead.
The first thing I noticed when checking out Boll's IMDB page is how prolific he is. Since 2000, when he started making english language films, he's helmed 12 movies. One is currently in post-production and another one is currently being filmed. Ok, I know quantity doesn't always equal quality, but check out some of the names he's had work for him; Casper Van Dien, Eric Roberts, Michael Pare, Patrick Muldoon, Jurgen Prochnow, Christian Slater, Stephen Dorff, Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, John Rhys-Davies, Lelee Sobieski, Burt Reynolds, Ron Perlman, Michael Madsen, Billy Zane, Sir Ben Kingsley, Meat Loaf, Jodelle Ferland, and Verne Troyer. The list goes on and on. I challenge you to pick a bad actor out of this group. There must be SOMETHING about Boll that makes them want to work with him, right?
I've heard Boll described as an arrogant prick. I'm not really sure where this comes from. Personally, he seems like he's got a great sense of humor. This is the same guy, after all, that challenged his critics to a round in the boxing ring. Some of them even showed up. What he neglected to tell them was that he's a pretty accomplished amateur boxer. He wiped the mat clean with them. To me that's pretty funny.
To be honest here, I'm kind of going in fresh. You see, I've never seen a Boll picture. I thought I HAD until someone told me that AvP and Resident Evil were directed by Paul W. Anderson. They actually told me that Boll is worse than this guy, so I had to see for myself. I'm pretty sure every movie he's made is tied into a video game somehow. Alone in the Dark, Bloodrayne, House of the Dead, even that Columbine movie he did. Now, I'm not a gamer at all. I've enjoyed 1 or 2 video game adaptations. AvP and Doom had their moments, but maybe Boll should try something else. Perhaps he's receiving all this rancor because he's ruining these games by converting them into films. Maybe the majority of his critics also happen to be fanatical gamers. As if there's any other kind. Try writing an original story, Mr. Boll. Or, if that's too much work, buy the rights to one. I'm just saying.
For my initial trip into the mind of Boll, I decided to go with Alone in the Dark and a movie that no one has ever heard of. I'm assuming this one aired on tv or went direct to DVD. It's called Blackwoods. Having now seen these two, I've got to tell you that Boll is not the worst fucking director in the world. He's not good, in fact he's borderline incompetent at times, but he managed to keep my eyes on the screen at least 75% of the time. Where I come from, that's a C. So, in defense of Uwe Boll....he IS decidedly average.