Feast (2005)

For fans of Evil Dead, Dead Alive, Night of the Living Dead, Chainsaw, Henry Rollins, and monster porn. This is a fun little picture, a Project Greenlight endeavor actually. Basically, a bunch of people, barricaded in a bar, trying to stay alive until daylight as a family of "leaky barrel, radiation, toxic dump waste, enviro-crap, freak-beast accident that crawled out of the sewer" monsters try to get in. More funny than scary. A little TOO self aware at times (We can probably thank those awful Scream movies for that). Features the great Clu Gulager from The Hidden and The Return of the Living Dead (still THE funniest zombie movie ever made) as a character aptly named Bartender. I think Bozo (Balthazar Getty) called him "old timer" once or twice. Directed by Clu's son, John, the Project Greenlight winner. By FAR, the best of the Project Greenlight films (I haven't seen the others, but who really wants to sit through yet another cliched "coming of age" picture). Henry Rollins plays a poor man's Tony Robbins, named Coach and gets to wear pink pants after one of those mutated humanoid warthogs rips off his dockers. This is the first picture I can remember seeing that includes monster vomit AND monster jizz. A fantastic opening sequence presents each character with their own title card (including name, fun facts, and life expectancy). Jason Mewes, playing himself for about three minutes, get's the biggest laugh ("already exceeded expectations"). There's a shocking scene involving a young boy that lives above the bar with his waitress mom. They wouldn't kill a kid, would they? Loads of blood, vomit, maggots, and an amusing decapitation of a Bruce Campbell-esque character, named Hero. I was lukewarm about this picture when I saw it on the big screen, but I LOVED it on the small screen. Take that for what it's worth. How can anyone dislike a film with the line, "Whoaa! Monster Cock!" No nudity, but there is a trashy leather clad MILF named Harley Mom. Duane Whitaker (From Dusk Til Dawn 2) has a lot of fun as the bar's owner, Boss Man. It's nearly impossible to fuck up a horror movie set in Texas. Now that I think about it, only Michael Bay, Marcus Nispel, and Jonathan Liebsman have ever accomplished that feat.

If you're not a fan of monster jizz, you can simply rent the R Rated version.