16 Days: The Suckling (1989)

Holy shit am I tired. This was one of those fifteen hour days I talked about at the beginning of this feature (the now famous "19 Days until Halloween" thing). I'm going to keep this one very short. Thankfully, the picture I watched doesn't really merit a lengthy write up. Not that it wasn't fun. It sorta was. It's just how much can I possibly write about a movie where an aborted fetus mutates in some toxic waste and then tries to make it's way back home? Well, I could probably give you 1,500 words easy now that I think about it.

The Suckling is about as pro-life as a picture can get. Or, maybe it's just anti-back alley abortions? I'm not really sure and something tells me the filmmakers could give a fuck either. Here we got a picture about a young couple (the girl's knocked up) traveling to a New York City brothel where they hear they give out abortions or something. Yup, they were right. In the same building there's actually an abortionarium, which is probably not a bad idea. These procedures, administered by Big Mama (she doubles as the resident Madame), are not particularly sterile. We got a coat hanger, we got a toilet. That's pretty much all you need. The fetus gets unceremoniously flushed, ends up in the sewer, gets covered in toxic waste (of course!) and voila! A CHUD baby.

So, basically we got a Night of the Living Dead type situation where a bunch of assholes are holed up in a brothel, their exits blocked by giant plecenta. The fetus grows to enormous proportions and with incredibly jagged teeth. It's goal, to shove itself back up it's mothers womb.

The picture deals rather flippantly with some sensitive issues; abortion, suicide, anal penetration, etc. So, if you're easily offended best stay away. The Suckling would probably be considered the best picture Troma released, except they didn't release it. The fetus reminded me of the baby from Dead Alive. After growing to full size, it reminded me of the mother (also, Dead Alive). The original box art apparently claims this to have the suspense of Alien mixed with the non-stop action of Die Hard. I'm too tired to argue.

Basically, this is probably not a must see Halloween feature. I may have dropped the ball on this one, sorry. I enjoyed it despite watching it sober. We got a few breasts, an abortion procedure that shouldn't draw laughs but does, the world's deadliest umbilical cord, and one smart (and elusive) aborted mutant fetus.