SCHLOCKTOBER FEST, 2020: VOLUME III (PLAYING CATCH-UP)

Here's where I try to cover as many movies as I can in a possibly fruitless effort to write about 31 before my time is up.  I've seen a lot but have had almost no time or motivation to write about any of them.  I've posted a movie a day over at Instagram under the handle @mechakirker.  Feel free to follow me over there.  These will be short, much shorter than usual. Capsule-like.  Anyway, let's get started!

7.  WNUF Halloween Special (2013) / Director:  Chris LaMartina (and others)

At the beginning of the month I attempted several 5am movies and this one was perfect for that time slot.  Clocking in at 83 minutes, it also worked perfectly with my pre-work routine of having time to shower, dress, brew coffee and walk the 15 feet to my desk.  Anyway, essentially this is a recorded broadcast of a 1980s prime-time local news special where Frank Stewart (ace local reporter) and a couple of paranormal investigators are taping live from inside the Weber House (scene of murders, supposedly haunted).  In between Frank's reporting from the scene we're treated to some delightful recreations of era-appropriate commercials, local commercials, I should say, for such things as "Gordon's Petting Zoo" to "Local Music Night" at the bar to candy buy backs from the town dentist, and on and on and on.  Eventually, whoever was watching grew impatient and began fast forwarding through the commercials (this added to the 5 am feel of watching this - it was as if I had recorded it from the night before).  The movie is not exactly scary though it does end horrifically.  If you're an 80s kid you may have aged out of eating a bag of candy in a solitary sitting but here's some nostalgia for you instead.  It's only slightly less bad for you.

8.  Patchwork (2017) / Director:  Tyler MacIntyre

Here's another 5 am picture, though a slightly less appropriate 5 am-er than the last picture.  Based on the trailer, I kind of expected a really tense cross between something like Human Centipede and Hostel.  Thankfully, what we get is something more akin to Frankenhooker or Re-Animator.  Patchwork is about three woman who wake up after a night out to find themselves patched together into one person.  We got Jennifer, we got Ellie, and we've got Madeline.  The movie somehow doesn't make a mess of each of their consciousness having survived the bizarre medical procedure.  Don't think about it too much, this isn't that kind of picture.  So, the women escape and the mystery begins.  Funny and over the top gory and even, at times, kinda sweet.  The Jennifer-Ellie-Madeline thing moves through the picture with an almost hyperkinetic abrasiveness.  Each individual component of the "monster" has a unique personality; Jennifer the driven businesswoman who has trouble maintaining friendships / relationships; Ellie, the sweet young woman who is almost too approachable; Madeline, who...I don't know...she's pretty damned capable, I guess?  Anyway, this is a really good one.  

9.  Slaughterhouse Rock (1987) / Director:  Dimitri Logothetis

This one was kind of hard to find (it's not streaming anywhere) so I went ahead and ordered a copy of the VHS for like 2 bucks.  Dusted off the ol' VCR and then pressed play.  This is the kind of movie I'd catch as a kid as the 2nd part of a Joe Bob double feature or maybe on Up All Night...or just whatever the local stations were showing after 11.  The story involves a kid named Alex who has been experiencing some pretty intense dreams that are encroaching into reality.  The dreams involve the singer  (Tony Basil) of a rock band called Body Bags.  The entire band disappeared while on a tour of Alcatraz (weird).  Alex's therapist thinks it's a good idea for Alex to go to Alcatraz if he wants to put his dreams to bed.  Not sure if she's licensed.  Anyway, once they get on the island (they actually shot there) mayhem ensues, zombies are created, kids die...and oh yeah, a boob or two are seen.     If you're a fan of something like Night of the Demons this one will likely give you similar feels.  

10.  Books of Blood (2020) / Director:  Brannon Braga

Books of Blood kinda sucks.  I mean, the movie is fine I guess.  Just not sure why they went with that title since this isn't an adaptation of stories from Clive Barker's iconic collection.  It's just an adaptation of the title store.  They should have called this fucking thing Book of Blood but I guess that title was already taken by an earlier adaptation of the same story.  Anyway, we got a few stories here.  Only one of which is a Barker story.  Too be honest, I'm not even sure the other stories had a Barker feel to them.  The best story is the second story called "Jenna" (not a Barker story) involving a girl running away from home and something horrific in her past.  She comes upon a kindly old couple who......aren't what they seem?  Then there's a story about a couple of guys who want to steal the book of blood simply because some old rare book dealer told them it was valuable.  So, they drive into some mythical realm of the city called Ravenbore(?) to recover said book.  The third story is about the creation of the book of blood.  Turns out it's man.  The stories intertwine (sort of) but it feels a bit forced.  Apparently, this was intended as a series that was canceled before it even got to air.  That makes some sense.  I'm sure they were saving "Yattering & Jack", "Hell's Event", "In the Hills, The Cities" for later in the season.   

11.  The Cleansing Hour (2020) / Director:  Damien Leveck

The Cleansing Hour is in contention for the best movie of the month.  Even in the beginning this doesn't feel like paint-by-numbers exorcism fare.  The story is kind of genius.  A couple guys (one a wannabe Priest and his buddy) decide to stage exorcisms online to make some cash.  Their numbers are modest at first but they bring in 50,000 views which is pretty solid.  They even have fairly decent production values and a hardworking staff.  Things take a turn when one of the "possessed" subjects turns out to actually be possessed.  She's also the girlfriend of Kyle (the buddy of the wannabe priest and the producer).  As the #s skyrocket we get a glimpse of people around the world following the exorcism from their phone, their tablet, etc.  What's at play here?  What's at stake?  Fuck, that ending packs a punch.  

12.  The Lie (2010) / Director :  Verena Sud

Teenagers are pretty fucking awful I think that's the takeaway (and possibly spoiler, I'm now realizing) of this story.  This one is debatable as horror but all you have to do is put yourself in the place of Kayla's (teen pictured above) parents and damn if this thing doesn't count.   Basically, we got Kayla getting picked up by her dad (Peter Sarsgaard) who is estranged from her mom.  Her dad's a musician, lives in the city.  He's driving her to band practice.  They stop and pick up Kayla's friend Brittany at a bus stop.  Things are weird between Brittany and Kalya.  Brittany begs to stop so she can get out and pee.  Kayla follows.  They disappear into the woods.  Gone for a while.  Sarsgaard follows, hears a scream, finds Kayla standing on a bridge, alone, claiming she pushed Brittany off.  They find her purse in the river, but no Brittany.  How far will parents go to cover up their child's crime?  Pretty fucking far.  Also, what if their daughter is a sociopath?  I've seen pictures squeeze tension out of a ringing telephone before but this is the first one (that I can think of) that's done it with doorbells.  Anyway, this one's good, don't have kids.

13.  Spiral (2019) / Director:  Kurtis David Harder

Spiral is a bit of a gem in the mold of things like Wicker Man, Kill List, and even with a little sprinkling of Hereditary.  Ok, and the obvious antecedent would be Get Out.  It's the mid 90s and a young gay couple move to the an idyllic rural town with their daughter.  Things seem pleasant at first.  Things are never pleasant.  The neighbors seem kind if a bit over-kind.  Malik, one half of the couple, a man of color, is immediately suspicious (we learn through flashback that his suspicion is founded in trauma).  Aaron, the other half of the couple, plays the role of the completely oblivious to anything weird going on type of husband (see Peter Sarsgaard in Orphan).    The less you know about this one the better.  It's the horror of inevitability.

14.  Blood Quantum (2020) / Director:  Jeff Barnaby

I thought I was done with zombie pictures and then I saw Blood Quantum.  A great little picture set in an isolated island Native American reservation.  The outbreak starts slowly (maybe 30 minutes into a 90 minute movie when the real movie begins) and then things ramp up quickly.  Turns out those with native blood are immune to the virus.  Those outside the island community, white people, are suddenly treated as refugees trying to seek solace in this island community which they've heard has a miracle cure.  A miracle only if you were born native.  There's infighting between our heroes over whether to welcome in these new immigrants or to turn them away.  There's a heel turn that felt like it required hours of set-up when we barely got minutes.  I think I wanted a limited series of this thing.  Still, the characters, slight as they may be, are wonderfully played.  The gore is creative, disgusting, everything you'd ask for in a picture like this.  The ending, traumatic, beautiful in a way.

15.  The Evil (1978) / Director:  Gus Trikonis

One of a million movies like this during the tail end of the 70s.  This is probably not one of the better ones though it's certainly elevated by the ridiculous spectral attacks and the hilarious reveal of The Evil.  Anyway, Dr. Richard Crenna (70's Bryan Cranston) and wife decide to open up a drug rehab clinic in Montezuma's Castle.  Yep, real place.  The caretaker is incinerated by some kind of ghostly thing before anyone else even sets foot on the premises.  Crenna and crew spend most of the film wondering where that caretaker's run off to.  The ghostly hauntings happen almost immediately when one woman's German Shepherd runs off and is never seen again (though I think we hear his ghostly howls throughout).  Couple women in this thing.  They scream, get thrashed about, one almost gets Entity'd.   It's that kind of picture.  The end though.  Hoo boy, the end.  I guess they spent all the money on the location.  

16.  Z (2019) / Director:  Branden Christensen

Z is really kinda wonderful.  An unsettling film, for sure, where a mother's trauma is passed on down to her son.  Here, manifested in the form of an imaginary friend.  Sure, maybe it's all inside the kid's mind, I don't know.  He's got an imagination, like's to play with trains, push kids down stairs and stuff.  At a certain point though you gotta start to wonder like those times you hear something large shuffling down the hallway or you see those red eyes starting at you from the closet, or when you see that actual physical manifestation of what an imaginary friend might look like chasing your son through one of those tubes at Bouncy World or wherever.  Point is, it's a horror movie so this imaginary guy, this Z is probably real.  What does he want?  When we learn that, things get really great.  Also, Stephen McHattie, just a tremendous actor, shows up for a small role as the psychiatrist who takes an interest in the young boy and whose eyebrows raise a bit when he hears the name "Z" (he also treated the boy's mother when she was a child, hint).  So, it's intense, it's fun, it's really weird.  

17.  The Deeper You Dig (2019) / Directors:  Toby Poser & John Adams

Similar to The Lie, this picture's about the cover-up of a death.  In this case, a guy (Kurt -- John Adams) moved to a very rural community in far, far, far upstate New York where he's working on renovating an old farmhouse so he can flip it.  He kills his off hours by driving into town, getting drunk, and driving back to the farmhouse.  On one fateful, snow stormy night he runs over Echo (a young teen girl obsessed with sledding and hunting and goth makeup).  Panicking, Kurt brings her back to the house.  She comes to, he strangles her (again panicking) and then proceeds to spend the rest of the picture digging her a deeper grave as external forces (the cops, Echo's psychic mother, Echo's ghost) begin to circle the farmhouse.  The picture is even more interesting than that sounds.  Kurt and Echo's mom (Toby Poser, pretty great) seem to bond and even form a bit of a friendship.  It's kind of sweet and then Kurt's mind completely unravels and he digs up Echo, chops up her body and tosses her down a well (as deep as it's gonna get).  If I'm being honest, the thing I appreciated most about this picture is the New England (it's New York, I know I know, but upstate, same thing) atmosphere.  The way time moves but it seems like it's standing still.  The picture opens in the midst of Winter, maybe the tail end, the season's last gasp in a white squall.  Snow immediately gives way to mud and that mud season lasts for months.  This picture seems to cover at least 6 months of time since before we know it, it's October and Kurt is presenting his new friend, Echo's Mom (Ok, her name is Ivy) with a carved pumpkin.  The last act is some seriously psychedelic shit.  Funny, atmospheric, trippy, weird, and yes, sweet.