SCHLOCKTOBER FEST 2020, VOLUME V: THE FINAL CHAPTER (oh wait, I got tired there'll be one more chapter)

 

23.  Verotika (2019) / Director:  Glenn Danzig

Here we have the worst movie I watched this month, October, year of our lord 2020.  Danzig, in his mid 60s, having lived on a lifetime's diet of Vivid videos (apparently) decided it was a good idea to make a horror film.  Not just any kind of horror film.  An anthology film which is not always easy to pull off I would think.  Especially not easy to pull of when the guy with the vision has no experience making a film or even writing a film.  I'm guessing he's never seen a (proper) film either.  I can't say that this thing is unoriginal though.  It is.  Where else will you see a woman who can't keep a relationship because she has eyeballs where her nipples should be and, one particularly sorrowful night, sheds a single tear which happens to land on an albino spider which magically transforms into an 8 armed serial killer dubbed by the press as "Le Neck Breaker" (this takes place in France or some shit).  It's not as good as that sounds.  Anyway, that's the first story.  The second story is also about a serial killer, dubbed by the press as "Le face snatcher" (or whatever) and the third, and thankfully, final story is based on the Lady Bathory legend about the woman who bathed in blood of virgins.  At least, the last story is a period piece.  Oh, and the wrap-around story is all narrated by some dominatrix named "Morella" who's on the verge of overdosing on Xanax.  None of the stories go anywhere.  If I'm giving Danzig any bit of credit, I liked that English is not the first language of any of these actors (gives it a surreal feeling, not dissimilar from 70s-80s-90s Italian horror films).  That's an accident.  He just wanted to hire adult film stars that he liked.  This is not The Room.  I hate The fucking Room.

24.  Mausoleum (1983) / Director:  Michael Dugan

Mausoleum is a mini-masterpiece.  I mean, it's not exactly good, but it does everything I ask for of a 1980s splatter film.  Employ good (and gross) practical effects (courtesy of effects wizard John Carl Buechler), have characters that aren't completely terrible, and, uh, you know.....nudity.  The movie is simple.  A little girl, Susan, is at the funeral of her mother.  Her mother died having been possessed by a demon.  Susan's next in line.  The demon will possess her on her 20th birthday since that's an acceptable time for a horny demon to possess a young woman and not get cancelled I guess?  Anyway, 10 years later, Susan, now married to a greatest American Hero looking motherfucker, has inherited her mother's estate and also been possessed by that demon.  We find out when she goes to a nightclub with her husband and some guy relentlessly hits on her when the husband takes a phone call (back in the days when a guy in a club would be interrupted by the waiter announcing he's got a call).  Anyway, while waiting for their car, Susan sees the drunk asshole and, after her eyes light up, sets him on fire inside his own car.  Later, in a really sexy scene, she seduces the groundskeeper into a round of woodshed sex.  So, this is a pretty good one.  Lotta folks that want to save Susan, including her husband, aunt, and psychiatrist.  All but one of these people die with exposed rib cages.  2 out of 3 exposed rib cages for this one.

25.  Rituals (1976) / Director:  Peter Carter

Rituals is a nifty little survival horror film set in Canada, also known as Canadian Deliverance or The Creeper.  What we got here is the story of 5 doctor friends being dropped off in the middle of the wilderness, far, far away from civilization.  A bonding trip where they'll reminisce about botched surgeries while also taking in some fishing.  On the first night all of their boots are stolen.  No one, except D.J., packed a second pair of boots, which irks the hell out of D.J., who trudges off for the ten-mile-away Dam where he hopes to find a worker that can radio in for help.  While D.J.s out of the picture, the remaining non-woodsman are picked off one-by-one by some unseen force.  Is it a man?  It is some creature?  Is it something that might have a vendetta against doctors?  These particular doctors?  This is a fun, gritty little picture with a wonderful central performance from Hal Holbrook, as Harry (the reluctant leader).  The climax, when we get there, truly shocking.  

26.  Howl (2015) / Director:  Paul Hyett

I'm a sucker for train bound films, especially horror train bound films.  Horror Express comes to mind.  This one almost reaches those kind of heights until...ahem....derailment.  Joe (Ed Speleers) is a down on his luck conductor on an English Commuter rail.  Immediately after being turned down for promotion he's ordered (by the guy that got the promotion instead) to man the Midnight train to East Borough (not a very desirable shift, apparently).  It's a mostly empty train, we got the old couple, the irritable teen girl, the wannabe engineer student and the fucking asshole womanizer.  Oh, and there's also a large guy that gets trapped in the bathroom on multiple occasions.  Also onboard, the high strung businesswoman (annoyed when Joe asks for her pass, that she lost, since she's on the train everyday -- as an example of the nice character work in this film, she's later revealed to have many more facets to her than just career bitch). Oh, there's also Ellen (Joe wants her to be his love interest) and the driver (a completely wasted Sean Pertwee).  I try not to judge a move based on what I wanted it to be but what it actually is.  Still, damned if I didn't want a story where a werewolf got on a moving train and picked the passengers off one-by-one.  Still, kind of hard to do that if the train is a short distance commuter rail.  Essentially, this train breaks down, in the middle of a forest, Pertwee goes out to investigate (immediately killed), and the wolf terrorizes the remaining passengers who debate between staying and going (through the woods).  It's fine, no Dog Soldiers.

27.  The Hole in the Ground (2019) / Director:  Lee Cronin

Typical of most A24 productions (that I've seen) The Hole in the Ground is a slow burn horror film, a very good slow burn horror film.  In the film, Sarah moves with her son, Chris, to the countryside (somewhere in Ireland).  Next to their new home is the titular hole.  One night, after a argument about "where's dad" or some shit like that, Chris runs from the home, into the woods.  Sarah, what seemed like hours later, finds young Chris standing near the hole.  She takes him home, things seem fine at first.  Later, she sees Chris eating a spider in his room through the keyhole (we've already had it established that Chris is deathly afraid of spiders, so that's a bit weird).  The performance reminded me of Osment's in Spielberg's A.I.  A boy, not quite a boy.  Seana Kerslake as Sarah is tremendous as a mother suffering a crumbling psyche as she begins to question her son's identity (she even hides a camera in his room).  James Cosmo (the lord of the Nights Watch) shows up as a father who went through the same thing and whose wife is now completely broken as a result.  The build up is where this film finds its worth, full of dread and sorrow, and creepy scares that ripple more like a gentle wake (or whatever).  The finale, eh....again it's the build, the slow inexorable build to doom or, maybe it was, rebirth.

28.  Wildling (2018) / Director:  Fritz Bohm

Wildling is like if the movie Room had been directed by Lucky Mckee (The Woman).  The story opens with what seems like a kindly old Brad Dourif looking after a young girl in a home out in the woods.  The girl is never allowed outside and every night, Dourif regales her with the story of the wildlings; mythic creatures that will surely eat her if she ever steps outside.  Also, Dourif injects her in her stomach with something for some reason (we learn the reason later).  As she ages into a teenager, she becomes sickly and Dourif's injections stop working.  She asks to go to the "better place".  Dourif relents, can't shoot her, tries to shoot himself, misses, coma, girl (Anna) wakes up in hospital, goes home with Liv Tyler, she's a Sheriff, a really low key Sheriff, and the questions pop up faster than the answers do.  Why was Dourif hiding Anna from the world?  Do wildlings exist and, if yes, should the townspeople of this Pacific Northwest (I'm guessing) community be terrified?  Or, should they be more terrified of Anna?  Have we seen the last of Dourif?  What's with Tyler's kid brother?  Did I miss the part where they explained what happened to their parents?  How long does it take to walk to the north pole from the Pacific Northwest, and etc.  This is a pretty good one.